The Legendary Nubiferous Experiment

Anyone who has even a passing interest in the Professor's career will doubtless agree that I have been avoiding the elephant in the room. (Not literally, of course; I have spent a number of happy hours with Celebes the Elephant). I have to admit that it is high time that I address the Professor's role in the controversial but legendary Nubiferous Experiment at Upton Snodsbury. 

When Professors Gaincope, Gannywedge and Choops began this extraordinary endeavour they had the highest hopes of success and considerable funds from anonymous bankers, dubious politicians, frenzied venture capitalists and other mountebanks. Indeed, their early results were creating considerable interest in publications such as “The Farrier's Monthly” and “The Cordwainer's Digest”. This led to the inaugural trio inviting other academics, scientists, latent runagates and prospective grifters to take part in their momentous venture. 

The Professor rarely speaks of his involvement but there is little doubt that he was the key player in ensuring backing for “The Piano Manifestation” experiment. For many months I have been asking him for his side of the story and last week he finally gave me a brief reply written on the back of a menu from the local Indian restaurant which he left under a plant pot in my front garden. The missive read as follows:

“To this day I feel that I was misrepresented in the press and made the scapegoat for the eventual demise of the Nubiferous Experiment. I admit that I may have some responsibility for a brief shower of typewriters in the vicinity and a fleeting appearance in the sky of a disquieting image of the exalted Harold Larwood in his pomp but, generally speaking, the endeavour was largely successful. Sadly, it was also quite extraordinarily and disastrously noisy. 

I can thoroughly recommend the Duck Rogan Josh on this menu but regrettably the Gulab Jamun should be avoided.”

I think that the rest should be silence regarding this affair or, at least, only muttered 'sotto voce' at times of great distress or national peril.