The Professor Peregrine Papers

Recently Professor Peregrine has been stung by the criticism from various academics and other cardsharps of his paper entitled “Shakespeare, Raised Pork Pies and The Early Works of The Incredible String Band”. Beckoning me into a dark corner of the “The Fishmonger and Solenoid” saloon bar recently, he gave me his side of of the story. “I sequestered myself in a small bungalow just outside of Monk Soham for several months, listening only to Mozart's Trumpet Concerto (K. 47c), while researching that paper. I stand by its entirely spurious and misbegotten conclusions. Or, at least, I will if I can ever bring them to mind.” He paused briefly to savour a surprisingly large handful of cheese and persimmon crisps, before going on in hushed tones: “I am aware that there have been scurrilous and opprobrious mutterings on this subject, notably from the Garrak Larrups Memorial College and Centre for Ponderous Trapezists. Frankly, I refuse to consider that institution worthy of my concern. I w...

The Professor's family is famed for their alternative version of croquet. The game does include a ball and mallets (they're not fools and they own no flamingos) but it also requires a dialogue prior to each play in which the protagonists argue why the ball should be hit in any given direction. Indeed, there is no obvious need to hit the ball through any hoops since that is considered a distraction. The scoring system, moreover, is a thing of great beauty and emotional resonance, but is also completely incomprehensible to anyone other than Biskan Cannikeeper, Professor Emeritus of Mathematics and Loggats at Knave-Go-By University, who devised it. It is not clear if anyone has ever actually won a game. Although, this is not thought to be important. The Professor's Great Aunt Torrididdle was perhaps the finest exponent of this version of the game. She failed to win a single match but reduced any number of politicians, judges and other turncoats to states of silent bewilderment...