The Professor Peregrine Papers

Anyone who has even a passing interest in the Professor's career will doubtless agree that I have been avoiding the elephant in the room. (Not literally, of course; I have spent a number of happy hours with Celebes the Elephant). I have to admit that it is high time that I address the Professor's role in the controversial but legendary Nubiferous Experiment at Upton Snodsbury.  When Professors Gaincope, Gannywedge and Choops began this extraordinary endeavour they had the highest hopes of success and considerable funds from anonymous bankers, dubious politicians, frenzied venture capitalists and other mountebanks. Indeed, their early results were creating considerable interest in publications such as “The Farrier's Monthly” and “The Cordwainer's Digest”. This led to the inaugural trio inviting other academics, scientists, latent runagates and prospective grifters to take part in their momentous venture.  The Professor rarely speaks of his involvement but there is littl...

Uncle Leucocholy had a life-long fascination for wind instruments and was said to be a crumhorn virtuoso.  He wasn't, of course, but people said it anyway.  His favourite instrument was, in fact, the basset horn. Sadly, this was also an instrument that he was completely unable to play. Nonetheless, he amassed a fine collection of basset horns which were much admired in woodwind circles.  Unfortunately, he frequently mistook a basset hound for a basset horn and added these to his collection as well. They followed him everywhere.  The story that Uncle L once mistook an albatross for a postage stamp is, I must add, a complete and frenzied fantasy.  At least, I think it is.