Whoops! Here Comes The Vicar

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Some years ago, you may have come across the Professor's paper titled “The Quasi-Quantum Implications of Divarication Patterns in Incipient Coherence Interactions”. This paper became famous, perhaps even notorious, in academic circles at the time, since almost everyone found it incomprehensible. The Professor attempted to explain his theory in a series of lectures where he made innovative use of puppets to demonstrate the more abstract points. They were entirely unsuccessful, partly due to chaotic puppet string entanglement.

The Professor's Puppets

What is less known, though, is that the Professor attempted to encapsulate his core theory by using the complex metaphor of surprising and unlikely events in a recognisable context. To this end he produced the pilot episode of a sitcom set in 1959 entitled “Whoops! Here Comes The Vicar” in which Beryl and Stan try to live their traditional, comfortable lives with hilarious but enlightening consequences. However, the Professor abandoned the project before it was completed. 

Slightly shamefaced, he explained to me as we watched the groundsman apply the heavy roller to the pitch at Teffont Evias:

“I'm afraid that I miscalculated in the original paper when I failed to allow for variations in atmospheric pressure. The resulting value of the improbable fraction equation meant that the vicar walked around the streets in circles without ever actually arriving at Beryl and Stan's house, thus rendering the entire script redundant. The actors were furious, but what could I do?”

Beryl and Stan Await The Vicar

It was at this point that the heavy roller escaped the clutches of the groundsman and careered down the sloping pitch before coming to rest on top of the remains of a truly awful statue of Ramsay MacDonald dressed in a toga which had blighted the ground for many the long year, occasioning much hilarity.

Location: Teffont Evias

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