The Preston Gubbals Woodland Debate of 1902

My dear (indeed, unreasonably expensive) friend Professor Peregrine has for many years been on the very best of terms with Pugil Jabbernowl, Professor Emeritus of Implausible Geography and Dwile Flonking at Stratton Strawless University. Professor Jabbernowl is probably best known in academic circles for his work “The Preston Gubbals Woodland Debate of 1902”. This exhaustive study of the momentous event, covering its causes, outcomes and catering solutions, remains a great classic amongst “those in the know.” Indeed, amid much celebration and egregious wasting of cash, an attempt was made to turn the book into a feature film entitled “Woodland Showdown”. It was never finished, of course. Professor Jabbernowl considers this a suitable metaphor.

But, in recent weeks, relations have soured between these two paragons of British Academia. At first, my attempts to determine the reasons behind this falling out came to nought. But, after I concealed his television remote control during the highlights of a particularly inopportune Test Match, the Professor agreed to drop a few hints concerning the altercation.

“I'm sorry to report that my recent research has raised new and troubling questions concerning the hallowed, sylvan symposium of Preston Gubbals. First, was Professor Deliquesce justified in his outright rejection of the sciapodous principle? Furthermore, did the discussion of the Galligaskins paradigm mean that lunch was delayed by several hours and, thus, served cold? But, most fundamental of all, at the crucial, historic moment when Professor Kickshaw raised his opprobrious objections….”

The Professor paused, took a large bite from his pasty, raised himself to his full height plus a little extra and went on in a low and sombre tone: 

“I have come to believe that Professor Kickshaw, at that decisive, blessed moment, may have been offside.”

I confess that this bombshell has given me a sleepless night or two. Below you will find the only known photograph of that exact point in time. Professor Kickshaw is on the far right. Judge for yourself, if you dare. (Incidentally, note that Professor Deliquesce can be seen in this photograph studying the poems of Brabble Meldrop, the very text that reportedly led him to abandon the academic life in favour of a career as a travelling salesman).