The Annual Tree Glorification Festival
Professor Peregrine has made an extensive and lengthy study of English folklore, traditions and puddings which culminated in his recent monograph entitled “What the Hocktide Is This All About Then?” (Vilipend Press, 2024). In order to learn more, I accompanied the Professor to the Annual Tree Glorification Festival in Gully-on-the-Mooch. The day began with the time-honoured breakfast of trampled potato and ambiguous berry jam before groups of villagers meandered into the nearby woods making vague, complimentary comments about the trees. Every now and then the traditional cry of “This bark is adequate for the most part” was heard, drifting through the woodland. After an hour or so of tedious but symbolic strolling about, the critical moment arrived. The villager known as the “Pompous Japer” stepped forward, resplendent in his purple top hat, and declared a particular tree to be the chosen one. The Japer then insulted the tree unconvincingly for 5 minutes or so before finishing with ...