The Professor's Biography Part 33g - Hildebrand van Hildebrand

In an attempt to acquire the status of reliable biographer, I decided to interview some of the Professor's ex-colleagues and other mountebanks in order to record their reflections on his career and table manners. Oddly, most of them seemed to be untraceable or to have entered religious institutions which insisted on a vow of silence. 

I did, however, receive a reply to my request for an interview from Hildebrand van Hildebrand, Emeritus Professor of Imaginary Solutions at Strabismus University. That reply consisted largely of a recipe for bridecake but concluded with the following heartwarming memoir:

“How we laughed in that long-lost but fateful summer! How we relished the talk of our aspirations, of our hopes and of our admiration for the cover drives of Walter “Wally” Hammond at the Oval on a challenging pitch in poor light conditions! 

I will always remember the advice of dear old Peregrine as he raised his head one evening from his habitual study of the aphorisms of Mr Clarence Victor Grimmett:  ‘Never loan your wristwatch to an opera singer and never throw your hat at a dog, unless seriously provoked.’ It's advice I have always valued and from which I have only rarely strayed.”

As soon as I read his moving words, I hurried to learn more by visiting Professor van Hildebrand at his home on the remote island of Ptyx, a short boat trip off the coast of Shropshire. Sadly, upon my arrival, I discovered that a decision had been made by the “powers-that-be” to the effect that the island did not, in fact, exist. Despite this setback, I believe that Professor van Hildebrand may still live there to this day.