Professor Peregrine has made an extensive and lengthy study of English folklore, traditions and puddings which culminated in his recent monograph entitled “What the Hocktide Is This All About Then?” (Vilipend Press, 2024). In order to learn more, I accompanied the Professor to the Annual Tree Glorification Festival in Gully-on-the-Mooch. The day began with the time-honoured breakfast of trampled potato and ambiguous berry jam before groups of villagers meandered into the nearby woods making vague, complimentary comments about the trees. Every now and then the traditional cry of “This bark is adequate for the most part” was heard, drifting through the woodland. After an hour or so of tedious but symbolic strolling about, the critical moment arrived. The villager known as the “Pompous Japer” stepped forward, resplendent in his purple top hat, and declared a particular tree to be the chosen one. The Japer then insulted the tree unconvincingly for 5 minutes or so before finishing with ...
Recently, as we perused, with much admiration, Ezra Gloppened's recent publication "Goo! : Butter Churns and their Role in the Peasants' Revolt", I ventured to ask if the Professor had ever considered an alternative career. "I haven't always been attracted to the academic life," the Professor admitted. "Many years ago, I did spend some time on the road with my band The Inadequate Zarf. Ah, happy days! Except for the less happy days, which, come to think of it, was most of them." I was unsure about the veracity of this statement until I chanced upon a copy of The Inadequate Zarf’s classic album "Physalis In My Pocket" in a bric-a-brac sale at the Sandford Spence Schultz Home for Fractious Umpires. My favourite track is, without doubt, "Ruckus In The Olfaction Department", featuring the Professor's solo on bass harmonica, an instrument of which he has little or no knowledge.
The Professor has always held Steehop Latibulate, Lecturer in Indeterminate Philosophy and Controvertible Vexillology, in the highest regard. His admiration is not based solely on Latibulate's renowned lectures, with their inventive use of cowbells and sealing wax, but also on his less academic undertakings. As the Professor was at pains to point out: “I remember with great affection Latibulate's sterling efforts back in 1983 when he established The First Annual Festival of Walking Up and Down A Hill For No Very Good Reason in Higher Muddiford. Has there ever been a finer example of whatever it was he was on about?”
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