The Professor Peregrine Papers

As is widely acknowledged, the Professor has a considerable knowledge and appreciation of some of the lesser-known wines of the world. His enthusiasm for the Hebdomadal and Gallimaufry grapes is legendary. Following extensive research into his family history, he now attributes this oenophilic passion to the influence of his great-great-whatever uncle Nefandous Peregrine who was for many years chief sommelier at the renowned and highly-exclusive Balatronic Club at Chilton Candover.  The club remains exclusive to this day and is housed in a fine, Palladian building which is invisible to anyone with a lesser rank than Viscount, although Barons, Baronets and the occasional Thane are able to vaguely make it out on alternate Thursdays in the month preceding Michaelmas. Sadly, Nefandous Peregrine was eventually accused of unsportingly using spiked loafers in a hotly-contested Beaujolais Nouveau race and was forced into early retirement. He was last seen at a Dadaist cabaret sharing an imp...

At that time she had a lingering desire for an absence of atmosphere. The craft that she built would never succeed but that was immaterial. I watched her for an hour as she contemplated flight.  The next day I took a train to the coast.

The following notes may shed some light on an obscure but significant period in the Professor's life. Following disagreements with the senior staff at Trewellard University (reportedly involving the efficacy of deploying a leg slip), the Professor left to become Artist Out of Residence at Aston Botterell. It was here that the Professor created the ground-breaking performance art piece "Make Mine A Double". This site-specific piece at the local brewery lasted for nearly three months and involved many contemporary dance troupes, the postman, community volunteers, passing dog-walkers and 18 chickens. The local press enthusiastically described the event as "taking place". To this day, the Professor refuses to explain the piece more fully save to say that "The meaning is subjective, yet the subjective has meaning. And the eggs came in very useful." Shortly after this performance, the professor left to take up the post of Directeur Sportif of the cycling tea...

 I came across a photograph in the Professor's archive. On the back, written indistinctly in pencil, were the words: “We met at noon in the restaurant on the Quai General Leclerc. M Lebeurre had some interesting information for me. Must remember to buy milk and a piano on the way home.”

The Professor often appears to be a paragon of equanimity. However, there are incidents from his past which, to this day, trouble him greatly. In particular, the difficult episode concerning Faustroll and the umpire comes to mind.  During a match at Gussage St Andrew, Faustroll instigated a heated discussion with the umpire on the interpretation of the LBW rule which then escalated into a disagreement on the way apples should be added to an apple cake. Play was suspended and fears were expressed that the entire season might be disrupted.  The Professor intervened and began to deliver a long lecture on Marcel Proust's cycling tour of Norfolk during which the celebrated author learnt the secret of bowling a particularly devious googly. Proust is said to have subsequently employed this version of the wrong'un to great effect against a visiting Norwegian eleven in a match at Balbec. So tedious did this lecture prove to be that Faustroll and the umpire agreed to differ before the P...

Looking back on it now, I can see that I failed to come to terms with her interest in swimming through trees. I would often fill my pockets with lead to keep myself on the ground. Or was it to slow myself down?  After she left, I sold the collection of feathers.

Our work on a camera to record dreams is progressing at a disappointingly slow pace. This morning the Professor sent me his latest captured image together with the following note: "Once again I find that I cannot get beyond the two gatekeepers in my dreams. They seem determined to relocate the gate. One of the two reminds me very much of my uncle Cyril. This is odd, since I have no uncle called Cyril. "